So as of 1.1.11 Travis has come around and wants to be with me AND the baby.
He is on his way back to Arizona and is going to be staying with Jason I believe, until he finds a job (I know he'll find one soon) and saves enough money to move out into his own apartment.
Benj and I will stay with my mom for a few months and instead of going to Ohio to be with Aunt Susan & Sally we will go to Arizona to be with Trav. As long as things work out the way they are supposed to, and we save the money we need, get an apartment and work toward getting a car. We can NOT end up in the same position we were in again.
I don't want to live in Arizona (cause the summer's absolutely SUCK) but I want to be with Travis and he needs to be with the boys.
I'm excited and so hopeful. I know as long as I stay positive, positive things will happen.
2011 will bring GREAT things. :)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Let's just do a quick update -
I think I need to start coming to terms with the fact that I just might be one of those "women" (it's weird to put myself in that category, it makes me feel really 'Adult') whose body ... well, just doesn't like being pregnant. Let's ignore the horrific morning sickness that was felt as though it was never going to end, and just focus on the newest symptoms.
Numb fingers and aching wrists - thank you water retention for flaring up my carpal tunnel. Now when I wake up in the morning, you wont have to worry about me being able to turn a door knob without wincing in pain, or being able to do the simplest of tasks, like say .. grabbing a straw. You never realize how much you rely on the sense of "touch" until your index finger and middle finger on both hands completely lose it.
Burning skin - Baby Benjamin loves me OH SO MUCH, that he is going to constantly push on ONE nerve that causes a patch of skin to feel as though it's on fire. So 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week until he comes into this world, I'll be greeted with another WARM (pun INTENDED) welcome :) ... grr.
Bed Rest - I am also one of the "women" who have a MUCH thinner cervix than most. Normal cervix's are about 3 cm thick, mine happens to be 1.5 or smaller (we'll know exactly at my next ultra sound appointment). Which means, as the baby puts on weight my bed rest will get stricter because he'll start to more more pressure and thus increasing the risk of my cervix starting to dilate. Which makes me worry more about the next issue ..
Gestational Diabetes. This is by far the scariest to me. Since G.D can cause higher birth weights it scares me that I will deliver much earlier than I should because his weight will start putting pressure on my cervix sooner than we think. And the thought of having a c - section scares me to death. Not to mention, the stress of making sure I am eating the right amount of ... everything, to ensure a healthy baby.
And thats just the medical stuff. I have a whole list of emotional issues going on too.
Like the fact Travis doesn't want to be with me, and he's avoiding even talking to me. Which just makes this whole pregnancy SO much easier. :/
I'm trying to continue to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, I'm just still trying to find out what the reason for all of this is.
I'm sure it will all make sense in the end, I'm just hoping for a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel. :)
Numb fingers and aching wrists - thank you water retention for flaring up my carpal tunnel. Now when I wake up in the morning, you wont have to worry about me being able to turn a door knob without wincing in pain, or being able to do the simplest of tasks, like say .. grabbing a straw. You never realize how much you rely on the sense of "touch" until your index finger and middle finger on both hands completely lose it.
Burning skin - Baby Benjamin loves me OH SO MUCH, that he is going to constantly push on ONE nerve that causes a patch of skin to feel as though it's on fire. So 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week until he comes into this world, I'll be greeted with another WARM (pun INTENDED) welcome :) ... grr.
Bed Rest - I am also one of the "women" who have a MUCH thinner cervix than most. Normal cervix's are about 3 cm thick, mine happens to be 1.5 or smaller (we'll know exactly at my next ultra sound appointment). Which means, as the baby puts on weight my bed rest will get stricter because he'll start to more more pressure and thus increasing the risk of my cervix starting to dilate. Which makes me worry more about the next issue ..
Gestational Diabetes. This is by far the scariest to me. Since G.D can cause higher birth weights it scares me that I will deliver much earlier than I should because his weight will start putting pressure on my cervix sooner than we think. And the thought of having a c - section scares me to death. Not to mention, the stress of making sure I am eating the right amount of ... everything, to ensure a healthy baby.
And thats just the medical stuff. I have a whole list of emotional issues going on too.
Like the fact Travis doesn't want to be with me, and he's avoiding even talking to me. Which just makes this whole pregnancy SO much easier. :/
I'm trying to continue to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, I'm just still trying to find out what the reason for all of this is.
I'm sure it will all make sense in the end, I'm just hoping for a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel. :)
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Christmas Time!
I've decided on a name!!
Benjamin Reid Blair.
We've decided to go with my last name, after talking with Travis about it extensively, he said that he always hated growing up with a different last name than his mom and felt like an outcast .. and since our relationship is sort of in limbo, we've decided that using my last name is the best decision. If things change, and things get more "fairy tale", then we can always change Baby B's last name to Wood.
As of right now the plan is - have the baby here in Orange County, since I love love love Dr. Rakshani, and when B is about 1 week or 2 old we'll head on up to my Mom's place, stay until I feel comfortable flying with a baby alone - and off to Ohio we go.
We'll be close enough to Arkansas that Trav can come visit, and we'll be with amazing family and a lot of hands on help which will be nice.
Thank God for Susan and Sally.
Oh - I'm on bedrest .. awesome lol and have almost every strange symptom of pregnancy that NO ONE tells you about. I have sweaty hands, "pregnancy carpal tunnel", burning skin, tingling fingers (its goes along with carpal tunnel) and the strange urge to smell things. I dont really crave anything .. except smells. Oh and milk. lol
Tomorrow we're heading over to Jo's in laws for Christmas eve so that should be fun. And in January I'm supposed to go to the Ellen show with Ron, Nikkol and Robyn - I'm SUPER excited.
I miss Travis terribly, and I really hope that he is able to come out for the delivery. I know he is having issues with having another baby and everything else .. which I understand - i HATE it but i understand it. But I hope he is able to come out for ME. He says he will try, so fingers crossed he is able to make it.
Well I said I'd post the newest ultra sound pictures so - here they are.. they are from 23 wks and 6 days - and I'm 28 wks and 3 days now, I'm supposed to go back for another ultra sound first week of January I think, so I'll post those when I get them too.
Benjamin Reid Blair.
We've decided to go with my last name, after talking with Travis about it extensively, he said that he always hated growing up with a different last name than his mom and felt like an outcast .. and since our relationship is sort of in limbo, we've decided that using my last name is the best decision. If things change, and things get more "fairy tale", then we can always change Baby B's last name to Wood.
As of right now the plan is - have the baby here in Orange County, since I love love love Dr. Rakshani, and when B is about 1 week or 2 old we'll head on up to my Mom's place, stay until I feel comfortable flying with a baby alone - and off to Ohio we go.
We'll be close enough to Arkansas that Trav can come visit, and we'll be with amazing family and a lot of hands on help which will be nice.
Thank God for Susan and Sally.
Oh - I'm on bedrest .. awesome lol and have almost every strange symptom of pregnancy that NO ONE tells you about. I have sweaty hands, "pregnancy carpal tunnel", burning skin, tingling fingers (its goes along with carpal tunnel) and the strange urge to smell things. I dont really crave anything .. except smells. Oh and milk. lol
Tomorrow we're heading over to Jo's in laws for Christmas eve so that should be fun. And in January I'm supposed to go to the Ellen show with Ron, Nikkol and Robyn - I'm SUPER excited.
I miss Travis terribly, and I really hope that he is able to come out for the delivery. I know he is having issues with having another baby and everything else .. which I understand - i HATE it but i understand it. But I hope he is able to come out for ME. He says he will try, so fingers crossed he is able to make it.
Well I said I'd post the newest ultra sound pictures so - here they are.. they are from 23 wks and 6 days - and I'm 28 wks and 3 days now, I'm supposed to go back for another ultra sound first week of January I think, so I'll post those when I get them too.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Update
Well - a quick update.
I'm in California while Travis is in Arkansas. We decided that him being in Arkansas and my being with my friends would be less stressful, and would ultimately help our relationship as opposed to ruining it.
I know that this is the best for us right now, but it doesnt make it any easier. I'm miserable without him and its only been 5 days.
I'm pregnant, hormonal, and I was already extremely emotional before I got pregnant. I need constant reassurance that he still loves me and misses me. I'm like an annoying new puppy and I cant help it.
I'm hoping that once it gets closer to the holidays it will get easier. You'd think it would be the exact opposite, but I'm hoping that because holidays seem to come up so quickly, it will help me.
Basically - thats all thats new. lol
Baby is still good. I'll post new ultra sound pics soon. :)
I'm in California while Travis is in Arkansas. We decided that him being in Arkansas and my being with my friends would be less stressful, and would ultimately help our relationship as opposed to ruining it.
I know that this is the best for us right now, but it doesnt make it any easier. I'm miserable without him and its only been 5 days.
I'm pregnant, hormonal, and I was already extremely emotional before I got pregnant. I need constant reassurance that he still loves me and misses me. I'm like an annoying new puppy and I cant help it.
I'm hoping that once it gets closer to the holidays it will get easier. You'd think it would be the exact opposite, but I'm hoping that because holidays seem to come up so quickly, it will help me.
Basically - thats all thats new. lol
Baby is still good. I'll post new ultra sound pics soon. :)
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Oh insomnia
Your name?
Diana
Fathers name?
Travis
Are you still with him?
yes
Were you trying to get pregnant?
No, but we definitely weren't using the right precautions to insure that we didn't either.
When you found out
When did you find out?
July 7(?) 2010
Were did you find out?
at home
How far along were you?
about 5 weeks
What was your reaction?
Scared
Who was the first person you told?
Stacey, I panicked and had just gotten off the phone with her telling her that I was going to take the test, so calling her was reaction.
How did you tell the father?
I had closed the bedroom door, and forgot to lock it, and he came in when the test was on the counter. So I just said "umm... so i'm pregnant..."
What was his reaction?
Not thrilled
All about your pregnancy
When is your due date?
March 8, 2011
Did you have any morning sickness?
Yessss, it was terrible.
What are your fears?
losing the baby, a hairy baby, pooping during delivery (i know.. such a dumb thing to worry about), the cord getting wrapped around the baby's neck, him not coming out a healthy beautiful baby boy.
What are you most happy about?
I just felt him kick. ;)
Did you want a boy or girl?
I wanted a girl but a boy is great too. :)
What did the father want boy or girl?
Neither... but preferably a girl
Do you know what your having?
Boy
Do you have a name picked out?
Asher - I think. It's the only name I've liked for longer than a few days.
How much weight have you gained?
The last time I was at the docs I was 18 wks, and I hadnt gained any. But I doubt thats still the case.
Have you felt the baby move?
yes! :)
When you have the baby
Are you keeping the baby?
yes, and trust me ... i weighed every other option. This is the one I am confidant in saying I AM GOING TO DO. :)
Do you plan on a natural or medicated birth?
MEDICATED!!! No reason to not take advantage of our advanced medical advances lol.
Are you scared about labor?
Yessss!!!
What do you think will be the worst part of labor?
Pain. And I really dont want everyone in the room staring at my vag LOL.
Have you taken any classes?
No.
Who will be in the delivery room?
I'm not sure yet. Doctors .. for sure lol. And I'm assuming Travis? And I want people there, and hanging out up until ... but as far as when it comes time for me to .. ya know, start the show, I dont know?
Are you having the birth videotaped?
Noooo wwaaay.
Do you think you will cry when you see the baby for the first time?
Of course.
What do you think the fathers reaction to the baby will be?
Excited, I'm sure.
How do you think family and friends will feel?
Thrilled!
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=283068184&blogId=475549979#ixzz13pUvs100
Diana
Fathers name?
Travis
Are you still with him?
yes
Were you trying to get pregnant?
No, but we definitely weren't using the right precautions to insure that we didn't either.
When you found out
When did you find out?
July 7(?) 2010
Were did you find out?
at home
How far along were you?
about 5 weeks
What was your reaction?
Scared
Who was the first person you told?
Stacey, I panicked and had just gotten off the phone with her telling her that I was going to take the test, so calling her was reaction.
How did you tell the father?
I had closed the bedroom door, and forgot to lock it, and he came in when the test was on the counter. So I just said "umm... so i'm pregnant..."
What was his reaction?
Not thrilled
All about your pregnancy
When is your due date?
March 8, 2011
Did you have any morning sickness?
Yessss, it was terrible.
What are your fears?
losing the baby, a hairy baby, pooping during delivery (i know.. such a dumb thing to worry about), the cord getting wrapped around the baby's neck, him not coming out a healthy beautiful baby boy.
What are you most happy about?
I just felt him kick. ;)
Did you want a boy or girl?
I wanted a girl but a boy is great too. :)
What did the father want boy or girl?
Neither... but preferably a girl
Do you know what your having?
Boy
Do you have a name picked out?
Asher - I think. It's the only name I've liked for longer than a few days.
How much weight have you gained?
The last time I was at the docs I was 18 wks, and I hadnt gained any. But I doubt thats still the case.
Have you felt the baby move?
yes! :)
When you have the baby
Are you keeping the baby?
yes, and trust me ... i weighed every other option. This is the one I am confidant in saying I AM GOING TO DO. :)
Do you plan on a natural or medicated birth?
MEDICATED!!! No reason to not take advantage of our advanced medical advances lol.
Are you scared about labor?
Yessss!!!
What do you think will be the worst part of labor?
Pain. And I really dont want everyone in the room staring at my vag LOL.
Have you taken any classes?
No.
Who will be in the delivery room?
I'm not sure yet. Doctors .. for sure lol. And I'm assuming Travis? And I want people there, and hanging out up until ... but as far as when it comes time for me to .. ya know, start the show, I dont know?
Are you having the birth videotaped?
Noooo wwaaay.
Do you think you will cry when you see the baby for the first time?
Of course.
What do you think the fathers reaction to the baby will be?
Excited, I'm sure.
How do you think family and friends will feel?
Thrilled!
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=283068184&blogId=475549979#ixzz13pUvs100
Kick off! ... maybe?
I'm 90% sure I just felt the baby kick.
I haven't felt any butterflies/quickening the past couple days and was starting to get worried. So I came out to the living room and told Trav that we needed to get some Orange Juice in the morning. Apparently orange juice is one of the things that will make a baby move, same with ice water and caffeine. But since it was late .. 12:20 or so I d to try ice water. So I drink some and go lay down, staying as still as possible, and praying "please let me feel something.. anything, so I know all is well in there" and then i felt like a pop feeling, this is where it sounds weird lol, but it felt like ... i don't know how to explain it ... it was as if the pop feeling had an echo LOL.
So i felt it, and my jaw dropped, so i waited ... and again... so i start saying to myself "there's no way, this is because I'm wanting to feel something", so i like pushed my tummy a little... and waited ... then again.
Like I've said before, I've felt the whole quickening, the popcorn popping sensation and even "gas bubbles" ... this was NOTHING like I've ever felt before.
I'm really excited!!! I hope it was. <3
I haven't felt any butterflies/quickening the past couple days and was starting to get worried. So I came out to the living room and told Trav that we needed to get some Orange Juice in the morning. Apparently orange juice is one of the things that will make a baby move, same with ice water and caffeine. But since it was late .. 12:20 or so I d to try ice water. So I drink some and go lay down, staying as still as possible, and praying "please let me feel something.. anything, so I know all is well in there" and then i felt like a pop feeling, this is where it sounds weird lol, but it felt like ... i don't know how to explain it ... it was as if the pop feeling had an echo LOL.
So i felt it, and my jaw dropped, so i waited ... and again... so i start saying to myself "there's no way, this is because I'm wanting to feel something", so i like pushed my tummy a little... and waited ... then again.
Like I've said before, I've felt the whole quickening, the popcorn popping sensation and even "gas bubbles" ... this was NOTHING like I've ever felt before.
I'm really excited!!! I hope it was. <3
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