I think I need to start coming to terms with the fact that I just might be one of those "women" (it's weird to put myself in that category, it makes me feel really 'Adult') whose body ... well, just doesn't like being pregnant. Let's ignore the horrific morning sickness that was felt as though it was never going to end, and just focus on the newest symptoms.
Numb fingers and aching wrists - thank you water retention for flaring up my carpal tunnel. Now when I wake up in the morning, you wont have to worry about me being able to turn a door knob without wincing in pain, or being able to do the simplest of tasks, like say .. grabbing a straw. You never realize how much you rely on the sense of "touch" until your index finger and middle finger on both hands completely lose it.
Burning skin - Baby Benjamin loves me OH SO MUCH, that he is going to constantly push on ONE nerve that causes a patch of skin to feel as though it's on fire. So 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week until he comes into this world, I'll be greeted with another WARM (pun INTENDED) welcome :) ... grr.
Bed Rest - I am also one of the "women" who have a MUCH thinner cervix than most. Normal cervix's are about 3 cm thick, mine happens to be 1.5 or smaller (we'll know exactly at my next ultra sound appointment). Which means, as the baby puts on weight my bed rest will get stricter because he'll start to more more pressure and thus increasing the risk of my cervix starting to dilate. Which makes me worry more about the next issue ..
Gestational Diabetes. This is by far the scariest to me. Since G.D can cause higher birth weights it scares me that I will deliver much earlier than I should because his weight will start putting pressure on my cervix sooner than we think. And the thought of having a c - section scares me to death. Not to mention, the stress of making sure I am eating the right amount of ... everything, to ensure a healthy baby.
And thats just the medical stuff. I have a whole list of emotional issues going on too.
Like the fact Travis doesn't want to be with me, and he's avoiding even talking to me. Which just makes this whole pregnancy SO much easier. :/
I'm trying to continue to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, I'm just still trying to find out what the reason for all of this is.
I'm sure it will all make sense in the end, I'm just hoping for a glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel. :)
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Christmas Time!
I've decided on a name!!
Benjamin Reid Blair.
We've decided to go with my last name, after talking with Travis about it extensively, he said that he always hated growing up with a different last name than his mom and felt like an outcast .. and since our relationship is sort of in limbo, we've decided that using my last name is the best decision. If things change, and things get more "fairy tale", then we can always change Baby B's last name to Wood.
As of right now the plan is - have the baby here in Orange County, since I love love love Dr. Rakshani, and when B is about 1 week or 2 old we'll head on up to my Mom's place, stay until I feel comfortable flying with a baby alone - and off to Ohio we go.
We'll be close enough to Arkansas that Trav can come visit, and we'll be with amazing family and a lot of hands on help which will be nice.
Thank God for Susan and Sally.
Oh - I'm on bedrest .. awesome lol and have almost every strange symptom of pregnancy that NO ONE tells you about. I have sweaty hands, "pregnancy carpal tunnel", burning skin, tingling fingers (its goes along with carpal tunnel) and the strange urge to smell things. I dont really crave anything .. except smells. Oh and milk. lol
Tomorrow we're heading over to Jo's in laws for Christmas eve so that should be fun. And in January I'm supposed to go to the Ellen show with Ron, Nikkol and Robyn - I'm SUPER excited.
I miss Travis terribly, and I really hope that he is able to come out for the delivery. I know he is having issues with having another baby and everything else .. which I understand - i HATE it but i understand it. But I hope he is able to come out for ME. He says he will try, so fingers crossed he is able to make it.
Well I said I'd post the newest ultra sound pictures so - here they are.. they are from 23 wks and 6 days - and I'm 28 wks and 3 days now, I'm supposed to go back for another ultra sound first week of January I think, so I'll post those when I get them too.
Benjamin Reid Blair.
We've decided to go with my last name, after talking with Travis about it extensively, he said that he always hated growing up with a different last name than his mom and felt like an outcast .. and since our relationship is sort of in limbo, we've decided that using my last name is the best decision. If things change, and things get more "fairy tale", then we can always change Baby B's last name to Wood.
As of right now the plan is - have the baby here in Orange County, since I love love love Dr. Rakshani, and when B is about 1 week or 2 old we'll head on up to my Mom's place, stay until I feel comfortable flying with a baby alone - and off to Ohio we go.
We'll be close enough to Arkansas that Trav can come visit, and we'll be with amazing family and a lot of hands on help which will be nice.
Thank God for Susan and Sally.
Oh - I'm on bedrest .. awesome lol and have almost every strange symptom of pregnancy that NO ONE tells you about. I have sweaty hands, "pregnancy carpal tunnel", burning skin, tingling fingers (its goes along with carpal tunnel) and the strange urge to smell things. I dont really crave anything .. except smells. Oh and milk. lol
Tomorrow we're heading over to Jo's in laws for Christmas eve so that should be fun. And in January I'm supposed to go to the Ellen show with Ron, Nikkol and Robyn - I'm SUPER excited.
I miss Travis terribly, and I really hope that he is able to come out for the delivery. I know he is having issues with having another baby and everything else .. which I understand - i HATE it but i understand it. But I hope he is able to come out for ME. He says he will try, so fingers crossed he is able to make it.
Well I said I'd post the newest ultra sound pictures so - here they are.. they are from 23 wks and 6 days - and I'm 28 wks and 3 days now, I'm supposed to go back for another ultra sound first week of January I think, so I'll post those when I get them too.
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